When Prince of Troy, Paris (Orlando Bloom) steals Queen Helen of Sparta (Diane Kruger) from her husband, King Menelaus (Brendan Gleason), Menelaus urges his brother, King Agamemnon (Brian Cox) of the Mycenaeons to band the armies of Greece together to attack Troy. Agamemnon must persuade his mightiest warrior, the egotistical Achilles (Brad Pitt), to join them. The city of Troy is surrounded by a near impenetrable fortress. Their leader is King Priam (Peter O’Toole), and their greatest warrior is Hector (Eric Bana), Priam’s son and Paris’ brother. A lot of critics panned this movie, but I thought it was pretty good. The film gets the epic treatment it deserves. The battle scenes are spectacular. Pitt is in fine forum. The dialogue wasn’t always up to par though, and I really hated Orlando Bloom in this film. We’re shown no reason why this pansy is worth fighting a war over.
In my opinion this surfing documentary was better than another recent one, Step Into Liquid. We’re given a crash course in the history of surfing. The featured legends are Dick Noll, Jeff Clark and Laird Hamilton. The shots of some of these guys surfing are terrific. These guys flirt with death every time out. I wouldn’t go out of my way to rent this, but for free it was worth a look.
Dickie Pilager (Chris Cooper) is running to be elected governor of Colorado. He’s really a pawn for his senator father, Jud (Michael Murphy), and corporate mogul, Wes Benteen (Kris Kristofferson). When Dickie hooks a dead body while fishing during filming for a television ad, campaign manager Chuck Raven (Richard Dreyfuss) hires a private detective named Danny O’Brien (Danny Huston) to make sure certain entities who may cause trouble know they’re being watched. Being a former reporter, Danny’s curiosity gets the better of him and he starts digging into matters behind the emergence of the mysterious body. Nora Allardyce (Maria Bello) is Danny’s ex-girlfriend and a reporter who’s now seeing Pilager lobbyist Chandler Tyson. Daryl Hannah appears as Dickie’s sister, Maddie. This is an ambitious movie from director John Sayles that gets a little bogged down with too many characters and side plots, but as a whole it’s pretty good. Whether you enjoy it or not may depend on your political affiliations because Dickie is no doubt George W. Bush. Cooper nails the president’s speech and mannerisms perfectly. There’s plenty of good dialogue and solid acting. This was definitely preferable to most of the crap strewn out by Hollywood.
Queen Tamaris (Sarah Douglas) convinces Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to escort Princess Jehnna (Olivia d’Abo) on a journey to secure an artefact and return it. Accompanying them is Conan’s companion, Malak (Tracey Walter), a magician named Akiro (Mako), Jehnna’s bodyguard, Bombaata (Wilt Chamberlain) and a thief they save from certain death named Zula (Grace Jones). By no means is this a good movie, but it’s one that’s now fun to watch and crack wise while viewing. Walter does provide a few intended chuckles, but mostly this film now comes across as campy. And hey, Arnold kicks some serious butt.
Sergeant John Stryker (John Wayne) whips his marine troops into fighting form then leads them in kicking some WWII era Japanese ass. He’s tough on his charges and is despised by Pfc. Peter Conway (John Agar) and especially Pfc. Charlie Bass (James Brown), who’s had a run-in with Stryker years before. Conway meets a girl while on leave named Allison Bromley (Adele Mara) and they’re soon hitched. Stryker has demons of his own and often turns to the bottle to drown his sorrows. But in many ways this is a propaganda film and it was shot with assistance and support from the USMC. Wayne was tailor made for this role and doesn’t disappoint. Some footage from the actual battles are spliced in for a more authentic look. For its time, this is a very good war film.
Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) is learning to become a Jedi Knight as an apprentice to Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor). After an assassination attempt, they are assigned to protect Senator Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman). Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) is the villain, and he’s also commissioned an army of clones to unleash against the Jedis. Meanwhile, Anakin can’t resist his feelings for Padme, and the beginnings of a forbidden love emerge. Frank Oz returns as Yoda as does Samuel L. Jackson as his fellow Jedi, Mace Windu. Ok, so I’m a bit behind in the series. I found this to be a definite improvement on The Phantom Menace, but still not on the level of the earlier movies in the series. I was very impressed by much of the computer generated elements though. It’s nice to see things being tied together, basically setting up this summer’s final instalment. This just felt like it was meant as a stepping stone to a grand finale. The story isn’t much. In fact it’s not much different from the Phantom Menace. The acting isn’t much to write home about either. It’s not bad, but it didn’t knock my socks off as you hope a Star Wars flick will.
Duncan Mudge (Emile Hirsch) is a socially inept, sexually confused teen who’s having a difficult time accepting his mother’s sudden death. His father is Edgar (Richard Jenkins), who’s a farmer and a man of few words, and he and Duncan have an awkward relationship. Duncan is ridiculed by his peers and called Chicken Boy because he totes a pet chicken everywhere he goes. He does manage to befriend a neighbour named Perry Foley (Tom Guiry), whose own sexual confusion and macho persona indicate he’s merely using Duncan. This was a difficult film to watch. Hirsch is very good but just watching Duncan makes you want to shake him and tell him he’s just asking for an ass kicking. We wonder how weird was he before his mother passed away. Or if he’ll ever be able to fit into society. I don’t know if he’s a sympathetic character or merely pathetic.
This is a true story about a Johannesburg police captain named Andre Stander (Thomas Jane) who requested to be taken off riot duty because of his country’s treatment of blacks. He’s haunted by killing an unarmed man himself. He decides on the spur of the moment to flaunt authority and start robbing banks, which is relatively easy with most of the force busy with the rioting. He’s eventually arrested and meets Allan Heyl (David O’Hara) and Lee McCall (Dexter Fletcher) in prison, and they’ll later form the Stander gang, whose daring robberies rival the stuff of legend. This was certainly a sleeper. It would be hard to believe if it wasn’t true. The film is well shot, and Jane is very convincing in his role. Unless you’re familiar with the story you won’t know how things turn out. Like Bonnie and Clyde, Stander had his fans among the public. The director deftly allows the story to unfold without throwing in excessive action scenes and violence as a Hollywood production likely would. And it’s stylish without being flashy. This should springboard Jane to stardom.
Jack (Mark Ruffalo) and Terry Linden (Laura Dern) and Hank (Peter Krausse) and Edith Evans (Naomi Watts) are two unhappily married couples. The couples are friends, and adultery will further rock their marriages’ unstable foundations. There’s a lot of angst and self-pity here, but little reason to care for any of the characters other than the children who are painfully aware of what’s going on. Dern provides the best performance by far. She seems to be the only one interested in saving her marriage. Everyone else is too selfish to care. The movie doesn’t say much for friendship or marriage. It might have benefited more if there was more bitterness and more biting dialogue. Instead it just drifts as the viewer looks on unattached.
Harold (John Cho) is a shy, responsible guy who gets a ton of work piled on his desk by guys who take advantage of him. Kumar (Kal Penn) is his less responsible friend who would prefer to party rather than attend med school. After getting high one night, they get the munchies, and a White Castle commercial inspires a quest. A lot of events happen on the way there, and those damn burgers are more elusive than you’d think. This was a pretty funny stoner flick. Sure, there were the usual obvious jokes, but somehow this worked better than other similar films. Maybe it was nice seeing two Asian Americans not being stereotyped for once. Amidst the goofiness and satire, there also exists some wry social commentary. It’s not a film that wants to be taken seriously though. It’s just good fun. And the Neil Patrick Harris cameo is a hoot!
Joe Ross (Campbell Scott) has invented a “process” that will yield a fortune for the company he works for. He travels to an exotic locale on a business trip with his boss, Mr. Klein (Ben Gazzara), a lawyer and friend named George Lang (Ricky Jay), and an employee lower down on the company rung named Susan Ricci (Rebecca Pidgeon) who is very ambitious and makes no secret that she’s smitten by Joe. A man named Jimmy Dell (Steve Martin) befriends Joe there and succeeds in getting Joe to carry a parcel back to the states to deliver to his sister. Thus begins a confidence game that will leave you guessing what the next plot twist will be. Written and directed by David Mamet, this is a very smart, thoroughly enjoyable movie. As usual, Scott appears to act like he has a stick shoved up his ass, but I was really impressed by Pidgeon’s performance. Mamet doesn’t throw in a bunch of unnecessary detail such as exactly what the “process” is. Very Hitchcockian in many ways and well worth checking out.
Larry Durrant (Laurence Olivier) kills the husband of his girlfriend, Wanda (Vivien Leigh), whom she hadn’t seen in three years, in self defense. Larry goes to his brother, Keith (Leslie Banks) for help. Keith helps Larry cover up the murder because he’s on the verge of being appointed a judge and he doesn’t want a scandal involving his brother messing up his chances. An innocent man is put on trial however, and Larry must hope for a not guilty verdict so he won’t have to turn himself in. The plot is thin and the ending a disappointment. And it’s rather weak acting by the young Olivier. Leigh lights up the screen though.
Jack Willis (Hugh Jackman) is a truck driver in the Australian outback but he’s also an aspiring writer. Ziggy Keane (Angie Milliken) is a publisher who arrives to offer a book deal, but it’s for a romance novel, and being a man’s man, Jack asks his friend Ruby Vale (Claudia Karvan) to pretend she penned the novel, and to travel to Sydney to promote it. In return, she’d get her wedding to her boyfriend, Hamish (Andrew S. Gilbert) arranged and paid for. Spoiler alert! If you think poor Hamish won’t be the odd man out you have another think coming. This was so bloody predictable. And good God, he bows out gracefully! That saves confrontation and revealing Jack and Ruby as the heels they are. And of course they’ll get their happily ever after. I’m getting sick of films where a guy and a gal are good mates, or hold a bit of contempt for each other, yet after years and years, they suddenly find out they’re in love. Rubbish! And I’ll be damned if Jack didn’t get his rocks off with Ziggy before chasing Ruby. Yeah, he’s a real romantic. What I’m trying to say is, avoid this crappy movie unless you’re a hopeless romantic whose knees get weak at the sight of Jackman. I wish I had.
Judith Farrow (Julie Andrews) breaks off an affair with Richard Paterson (David Baron) after realizing he’s been lying to her about his intention to leave his wife, Rachel (Celia Bannerman). She travels to Barbados to escape, and while there she’s approached by Feodor Sverdlov (Omar Sharif), a Russian spy. Judith works for Fergus Stephenson (Dan O’Herlily), a man privy to sensitive British documents, so the head of M16, Jack Loder (Anthony Quayle), is having the relationship closely watched. Judith is wary of starting a new relationship, and Feodor’s motives are unclear. And he’s married, and trapped in that marriage because his wife comes from a powerful Communist family. Let the espionage games begin! Sharif is excellent in this role, very suave and charming. The conversational exchanges between him and Andrews are cleverly scripted. This a smart romance/thriller directed by Blake Edwards, who is guilty of drawing out some scenes for too long (understatement). It could have benefited from leaving more on the cutting room floor without losing any key plot elements.
Wilby is a small Canadian east coast island town and this film offers a glimpse at its residents at a time when gays and drugs are endangering their very way of life, or so the mayor, Brent Fisher (Maury Chaykin) would like people to think. Dan Jarvis (Dan Allodi) would like to kill himself in light of the scandal, but has the most awful luck in succeeding. Buddy French (Paul Gross) is a cop who feels the scandal is overblown. His marriage to his workaholic wife Carol (Sandra Oh) is on the rocks and he’s on the verge of cheating with Sandra Anderson (Rebecca Jenkins), who is struggling to run a local diner and be a good mother to her daughter, Emily (Ellen Page), who is just discovering boys and hoping not to end up like her mother. And there’s a painter named Duck MacDonald (Callum Keith Rennie) who hopes to connect with Dan before it’s too late. It’s one of those towns where everyone knows everyone else’s business. And if Wilby is so wonderful, why does everyone seem so miserable? Wilby Wonderful is a well acted, rather slow paced affair. It’s a slice of life movie that doesn’t seem to want to strive to be anything other than mediocre. I think its main fault is trying to wrap everything up with a cute little bow to send the audience home happy. I doubt this will find much of an audience outside Canada anyway.
A young boy named Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger) sees his parents savagely slain by Thulsa Doom (James Earl Jones). He’s taken prisoner and spends years pushing the Wheel of Pain. So he becomes very muscular and becomes a warrior, battling others to the death while the bouts are wagered on. He’s eventually freed and teams up with Subotai (Gerry Lopez), and later a thief named Valeria (Sandahl Bergman). Together they’ll seek out revenge against the mighty Doom after having a few fun adventures of their own. This is much better than the corny sequel it inspired. It’s the early eighties sword-fest that launched Arnold’s career. The film is in more capable hands, with Oliver Stone getting a writing credit. Even though it doesn’t take itself too seriously, it does provide some memorable lines. The acting isn’t the best, but the movie does benefit from great sets and well staged fights. There’s also plenty of gore and gratuitous nudity. A fantasy with characters that would appeal to children everywhere, but it’s hardly recommended viewing for them!
Bobby O’Grady (Dennis Leary) is a member of an Irish car theft ring in Boston headed by Jackie (Colm Meaney). Bobby has drug and gambling problems and is close to being out of control. He and his chums live by the gangster’s code so when one of their peers, Teddy (Billy Crudup), is made an example of by Jackie for being a snitch, no one talks to the investigating detective, Hanlon (Martin Sheen). Bobby’s also flirting with disaster by seeing Jackie’s girlfriend, Katy (Famke Janssen), behind his back. What she sees in either of them is beyond me because these are not likeable characters. I guess this is supposed to be a realistic portrayal of the mean streets of Boston, and the movie was well-reviewed, but the dialogue annoyed me. It’s as if they were trying to conjure Pulp Fiction magic. The bleakness of everyone’s existence is portrayed well. These people are living a dead-end existence. I don’t understand the high praise this movie received. It never rose above average for me.
The bright, young things are a raucous, hard partying social set in pre-WWII London. Their parties and the events of them often end up as prime reading in the Mr. Chatterbox column of a paper run by a Canadian newspaper baron named Lord Monomark (Dan Aykroyd). The writer of the column is Simon Balcairn (James McAvoy), and he’s ratted out at a party early in the film, and that turns out problematic for getting scoops. Luckily he has a writer friend in the circle of friends named Adam Fenwick-Symes (Stephen Campbell Moore) to turn to for help. Adam wants to marry Nina Blount (Emily Mortimer), but his novel’s been confiscated by customs and money is an issue. Nina loves Adam but loves the idea of security more, something another suitor, Ginger Littlejohn (David Tennant), can provide. Other members of the circle include the flamingly gay Miles (Michael Sheen) and the daffy Agatha Runcible (Fenella Woolgar). This film was very good at times, not as good at others, but as a whole it’s decent. More recognizable stars, Jim Broadbent, Peter O’Toole and Stockard Channing display their talent playing odd characters. It succeeds most when it’s funny, and there’s plenty of wry wit to go around. Along the way we discover that partying is hard work and being fabulous isn’t easy.
An isolated village exists in the center of the woods. Town elders have made a pact with creatures who reside in the woods…the townspeople don’t enter the woods and the creatures don’t enter the town. Everyone fears the monsters inhabiting the woods, but one young man named Lucius Hunt (Joaquin Phoenix) asks permission to explore the woods, but he’s denied by elders such as his mother, Alice (Sigourney Weaver), Edward Walker (William Hurt) and August Nicholson (Brendan Gleeson). Ivy Walker (Dallas Bryce Howard) has her heart set on marrying Lucius. Noah Percy (Adrian Brody) is a simpleton who seems fascinated by the monsters, and he’s also sweet on Ivy. Soon a dilemma arises and the elders debate whether someone should leave to seek outside help. This is pretty much a flop from egotistical director M. Night Shyamalan who likes to shroud all his films in a cloud of mystery. The dialogue is downright laughable and his trademark twist lacks punch. The story itself lacks interest, and Shyamalan needs to learn a few tricks about how to scare people. Instead he’d rather try to jerk us around.
Ramona (Valerie Buhagiar) is and assistant to a rock promoter named Roy Seth (Gerry Quigley) in Toronto. He sends her to bring home a band called Children of Paradise who have gone AWOL from their last four gigs on their Northern Ontario tour. She loses her clothes and credit card in Sudbury and must rely on the kindness of the quirky characters she meets. This small budget film was shot in black and white by gifted director Bruce McDonald. It’s an effective look and the story can be best described as one strange, unrealistic trip. I liked seeing this since it was mostly filmed a three hour drive away and I’ve seen much of the scenery. The background music is part of what must be an awesome soundtrack. There are more than a few dark comic moments. Give this a look if you’re seeking something off the beaten path.
Kate Parker (Erika Eleniak) is a fed assigned to transport a murder suspect named Claire Scott (Brigitta Dau) to a federal penitentiary. She’s very difficult to deal with, but at the same time she professes her innocence. Mr. and Mrs. Jones (Stacy Keach and Erin Gray) are two bad guys who are after Claire because they think she knows the whereabouts of a top secret formula that her murdered boyfriend was working on. Harry Eden (Kim Coates) is an FBI agent and old flame of Kate’s who’s tailing Kate as back-up. But is everything as it seems? Hmmm… Firstly, Eleniak is miscast and not very convincing in her role. Secondly, the script is awful. Thirdly, everyone seems woefully inept at their jobs if we’re to believe they’re professionals. A straight to video hack job that should be avoided.
Louise Harrington (Laura Linney) is recently divorced from Peter (Gabriel Byrne), but they remain good friends. She works in the admissions office at Columbia University, and after noticing the name of a new art school applicant, she calls F. Scott Feinstadt (Topher Grace) and schedules an interview. F. Scott has an uncanny resemblance to an old boyfriend who tragically died twenty years previously. Soon they find each other in a whirlwind May/December romance. Laura’s friend, Missy Goldberg (Marcia Gay Harden), also is stunned by the similarities. Laura’s mother, Ellie Silverstein (Lois Smith), and brother, Sammy (Paul Rudd) round out the cast. This is a smartly written film with surprisingly good dialogue. Linney nails her role, and Grace proves that he’s more than just a dumb ass. He has a very bright movie career ahead of him. Is F. Scott really the reincarnation of an old flame? It doesn’t matter. It’s a story of a woman in a rut trying to discover herself. Neither she or F. Scott seem to be using each other. This isn’t The Graduate.
Riff Randell (P.J. Soles) loves The Ramones and leads the rebellion at Vince Lombardi high school and its new principal, Miss Togar (Mary Woronov), who would like to put an end to their rockin’ ways. Eaglebauer (Clint Howard) has an office in the boys washroom and he tries to accommodate students who come to him with requests…for a price of course. Tom Roberts (Vincent Van Patten) is the captain of the football team, but he has no luck with girls, but asks Eaglebauer to hook him up with Riff. Riff’s friend, Kate Rambeau (Dey Young) wants Eaglebauer to hook her up with Tom instead. Ok, this was awful. The only thing it has going for it is the music and the presence of The Ramones themselves. Of course their acting leaves much to be desired, but their music dominates the movie.
Sucker Free City is a Spike Lee joint and it was supposed to be a pilot movie for a series to air on Showtime. It centers on racial conflict in different areas of San Francisco. The key players are Nick Wade (Ben Crowley), whose white family is forced to move into a black neighbourhood after it becomes too expensive to live in The Mission, K-Luv (Anthony Mackie) is a black aspiring rapper from this neighbourhood, and Lincoln Ma (Ken Leung) provides muscle for the mafia in Chinatown. K-Luv wants to stop the bootlegging of his CDs in Chinatown, and eventually befriends Nick to help him burn discs so they can profit instead. These are definitely well developed characters doing what they have to do to survive in this dog eat dog world. The same rules of society that most of us are accustomed to don’t apply on these streets. These characters and those surrounding them make for interesting drama that kept my interest. Unfortunately Showtime didn’t seem interested in picking it up as a series. That’s the only shortcoming, the ending leaves us wanting more. It just sort of tapers off.
The Sea Tiger is a submarine run by Admiral Matt Sherman (Cary Grant) which gets sunk at Pearl Harbor. He petitions to have it repaired rather than scrapped. However, any supplies they request get tied up in red tape. The bare bones crew is assigned Lt. Nick Holden (Tony Curtis), who has no useful naval experience, but he’s a clever con man who is adept at acquiring supplies by not entirely legal means. Still, they must improvise and it’s still questionable whether the sub will be seaworthy. Along the way they pick up five naval nurses who make life onboard very interesting indeed. This light, goofy comedy from Blake Edwards hits more often than it misses. Grant and Curtis make a good team. The plot isn’t complicated and with the co-operation of the real navy, they got most of the details right. Not laugh out loud funny, but it should leave you grinning quite often.
Tone Def (Mark Christopher Lawrence), Tasty Taste (Larry B. Scott), and Ice Cold (Rusty Cundieff) make up the fictional rap group NWH (Niggaz With Hats). They’re subjects of a documentary by Nina Blackburn (Kasi Lemmons) in this often hilarious mockumentary. (Think rap’s version of This Is Spinal Tap.) Satirizing a genre that just begs to be satirized turned out to be a good idea. The song lyrics are often funny, but of course some explicit lyrics were necessary. I was expecting this to be a real stinker but was pleasantly surprised.
This is an Irish film containing all of the country’s top talent. There are too many characters and situations to summarize the plot, which meanders, but plot elements and characters do intersect and the director somehow manages to avert disaster. Lehiff (Colin Farrell) is a thug and a robber. Jerry Lynch (Colm Meaney) is a tough cop. The only thing he’d like more than busting Lehiff is to star in a documentary about life on the streets. John (Cillian Murphy) and Oscar (David Wilmot) hate their jobs working in a supermarket. John wanted a break in the relationship with his girlfriend, Deirdre (Kelly Macdonald), but gets incensed when she hooks up with bank manager, Sam (Michael McElhatton), who’s just left his wife, Noeleen (Deirdre O’Kane) to move in with Deirdre. Sally (Shirley Henderson) is Deirdre’s sister, and totally unaware of how bad her moustache problem is. She aides people after a bus accident which gets the driver fired (not sure who played the role), although it wasn’t his fault. All these characters, plus a little brat on a bike are integral how things play out. There is dark humour and shocking violence, and some very hateful characters, and I didn’t necessarily like the outcome, but this is a solid film that will leave you guessing where it’s headed, despite a couple predictable turns. I would have liked to have seen a bit more of Farrell though, whose role isn’t that large.
Matthew (Michael Pitt) is an American student in Paris in 1968. He spends his spare time taking in movies at Cinematheque Francaise. During a protest he meets fellow film buffs, Isabelle (Eva Green) and her twin brother Theo (Louis Garrel), who are the children of a famous French poet. When their parents go on vacation, they invite Matthew to come live with them. What follows is a series of often cruel mind games and incestuous sexual play. Movies are the bond that bind them and dominate their conversations. Director Bernardo Bertolucci cleverly splices in pertinent old movie clips very effectively. Although very sexual in content, I don’t know why this movie was issued the death warrant of an NC-17 rating. This is more than Bertolucci paying homage to old films. He pays great attention to detail, but I don’t think the film is as smart as it wants to be. Nor am I convinced these characters resemble anyone real.
Don Bellows (Franchot Tone) is an architect who spots a down on her luck actress named Joyce Heath (Bette Davis) in a dive bar. Her career has died due to a series of unfortunate events and she’s been labelled a jinx. One of her performances changed Don’s life, so after she passes out, he takes her home after being unable to find her address. He extends an offer to Joyce the next day to stay a while for a little rest and relaxation, foolishly thinking it won’t jeopardize his relationship with his fiancée, Gail Armitage (Margaret Lindsay). Although the Tone character is an interesting one and he’s given some peppy lines, it’s Davis who steals the show in an Oscar winning performance. Her character runs the gamut from pathetic to despicable to fun loving to vicious to noble without being melodramatic. This is a rather short movie, but a well written, enjoyable one.
Gilda Besse (Charlize Theron) barges unannounced into the Oxford dorm room of Guy (Stuart Townsend) one night to avoid getting her boyfriend in trouble. Gilda is a socialite who’s notorious for her carefree manner and hedonistic ways. She admires Gus’ manners and chivalrous nature so some time later she invites him to Paris where she’s become a famous photographer. She introduces Gus to a model named Mia (Penelope Cruz) whom she’s discovered and befriended. But Gilda is unforgiving when her two activist friends head off to Spain to try to make a difference. Gus and Gilda’s cross again years later after the Nazi’s have occupied France, but it’s under uncertain circumstances. Gilda remains an enigma to Gus throughout in this want to be epic romance/drama. It doesn’t measure up to the title epic. It looks nice and all but the story never quite draws you in. There’s little chemistry between Theron and Townsend even though they’re supposedly an item in real life. I wasn’t much impressed with either Townsend or Cruz, but Theron displayed the right joie de vivre for her role.
The Blood Orchid is in bloom in the deepest, darkest jungles of Borneo and it’s been discovered that this plant contains a substance that can greatly prolong life. Problem 1: Your pharmaceutical company is fresh out of blood orchid. Problem 2: The bloomin’ blooming season lasts only two more weeks. Problem 3: The next bloomin’ blooming season won’t be for another seven years. Problem 4: It’s rainy season in Borneo and no boat for hire will take your expedition downriver. Luckily Captain Bill Johnson (Johnny Messner) owns something that might have resembled a boat in its better days and he’s for hire for the right price. A expedition consisting of plenty of snake food consists of the determined and ruthless Dr. Jack Byron (Matthew Marsden), the uptight Gail Stern (Salli Richardson-Whitfield), who calls the shots for the company, Gordon Mitchell (Morris Chestnut), Dr. Ben Douglas (Nicholas Gonzalez), Samantha Rogers (KaDee Strickland), whose looks make it hard to earn respect in her field, and comic relief man, Cole Burris (Eugene Byrd), who you’ll pray the snakes eat. Firstly, in the opening scene we see a tiger. Now I don’t think tigers actually inhabit Borneo. One thing I know for certain though… anacondas don’t!!! You’ll start laughing early here when you first hear the blood orchid premise. The clichés and stilted dialogue will get your eyes rolling. The obviously computer generated snakes were better in the original. Here they pack little punch and are almost too mortal. The monkey here is more annoying than the one in Friends. The remarkable thing is the cast can keep a straight face throughout. To tell the truth, I was rooting for the snakes.
English professor George Kingsley (Stanley Ridges) is run down in the streets by mobster Red Cannon (Ridges) and his gang. Cannon and Kingsley are hospitalized. George’s friend, Dr. Ernest Sovac (Boris Karloff) knows a brain transplant is George’s only hope of survival so he performs an operation using Cannon’s brain. The result has a Jekyll and Hype effect, and Sovac takes Kingsley to New York hoping the Cannon persona will lead him to the half million dollars he’s hidden away so he can fund a research laboratory. But revenge against his double-crossing gang and its new boss, Eric Mornay (Bela Lugosi) is Red’s prime motivation. This can really only be classified as a B movie. The premise is utterly silly. Although the best performance is by Ridge’s there’s no accounting for the fact that Kingsley looks like a years younger Cannon when he changes character even if all the characters in the film don’t see it-except for a group of students near the end who jump back in near terror. If you forgive the lunacy, this doesn’t make for bad viewing. Be forewarned that Lugosi only has a small part. I imagine he was supposed to play the dual role but couldn’t pull it off.
Jessica Martin (Kim Basinger) is kidnapped from her home for reasons unknown to her by a group of men led by Ethan (Jason Statham), who smashes the phone in the room she’s locked in. By randomly crossing wires she manages to contact Ryan (Chris Evans), who after a bit of convincing goes to the police station on her behalf where he hands the phone to a cop named Mooney (William H. Macy), who in turn redirects Ryan upstairs after a disturbance erupts. But on the way he starts losing the signal, and he’s forced to take matters into his own hands in an effort to save the Martin family. If you can look past cheesy humour, blatant product placements, and more than a few fortuitous coincidences, there’s a very entertaining suspense thriller here. I would have liked to have seen more of Ryan’s girlfriend (played by Jessica Biel), but Basinger in her forties is also stunning to look at. There’s plenty of tense drama and action sequences that aren’t too overdone, and a couple mildly clever tactics. Definitely worth a rental.
This is a Cole Porter (Kevin Kline) biopic focusing on the time he met his future bride, Linda (Ashley Judd) through to his twilight years. It’s wonderfully staged with plenty of his music, some performed by contemporary artists of today. Porter had a very unconventional marriage, and that’s hardly brushed over. Kline gives an Oscar worthy performance, but the film stretches on past its welcome. Although magnificently talented, not all his music is my cup of tea. Unless you’re a fan, you might want to pass this one up.
Hari Patel (Sunil Malhotra) travels to America to live with relatives, attend college, and find love. His cousin, Mo Bakshi (Kal Penn), is supposed to show Hari around, but he and his fully American friends don’t want FOBs (fresh off the boat) infiltrating their cliquish scene. Hari is almost cartoonishly stereotypical. There are some amusing moments, but more often than not, it’s pretty stale humour. Penn (of Harold and Kumar fame) is the most welcome addition to this movie. I wonder how funny Indians find the portrayal of the FOBs.
Childhood friends Dan Mott (Seth Green), Jerry Conlaine (Matthew Lillard), and Tom Marshall (Dax Shepard) travel to Oregon for a friends funeral. Inspired by an ambition of their deceased friend, the embark on a trip through the woods of Oregon in search of D.B. Cooper’s treasure. Before long they’re in over their heads and their lives are in peril. What works? Some of the male bonding. They often tease each other exactly like life long friends do. Of the three, Shepard gives the best performance. What doesn’t work? Most of the supposedly humourous situations. The writers really were stretching for laughs. They deserve to be paddled.
Max (Jamie Foxx) has driven a cab in L.A. for twelve years. But when he picks up a fare, an attorney named Annie (Jada Pinkett Smith), we see he’s an intelligent, noble man with dreams of something more. But his next fare is Vincent (Tom Cruise), and Max soon discovers this fare may well be his last. Vincent has purchased Max’s services for the night, and he expects to be chauffeured around while he kills five people he’s been contracted to knock off. Mark Ruffalo plays Fanning, a cop trying to piece together what’s going on. Director Michael Mann has provided us with a taut thriller with interesting characters. The exchanges between Cruise and Foxx are fascinating. The two couldn’t be much different, good and evil. Neither shows up the other as both performances are high quality. Sure, there’s at least one coincidence that’s a bit far-fetched, but it makes for a tense finale, for sure.
In an adaptation of the famous novel, Becky Sharp (Reese Witherspoon) is raised as an orphan, but once she comes of age, she sets about to work her way up the social ladder. She takes a job as governess for the brutish Sir Pitt Crawley (Bob Hoskins), where her friend from finishing school, Amelia Sedley (Romola Garai), introduces her to her brother, Joseph (Tony Maudsley). But Amelia’s fiancé, George Osbourne (Jonathan Rhys-Meyers), opposes such a relationship. Pitt’s sister, Matilde (Eileen Atkins) admires the pluckiness of Becky and becomes a friend until discovering Becky’s secretly wedded her son, Rawley (James Purefoy), but without benefiting from his family’s well-to-do status, they find themselves impoverished. Lord Steyn (Gabriel Byrne), a figure from Rebecca’s childhood will resurface years later, setting up a new chapter in the saga of Becky. The best thing about this picture is Witherspoon. She has a credible English accent, and at least when things get boring, you have her ample bosom to stare at in her period costume. I think the main fault is the director tries too hard to get us to like Becky, playing her as a modern day feminist. I also don’t think the film took the piss out of high society quite as much as the novel supposedly does. The novel is acclaimed. This was often tedious viewing. I found myself nodding off throughout.
Telly Paretta (Julianne Moore) sees dead people. At least she does in memories, photos, and videos containing her son who died fourteen months ago in a plane crash. When all physical evidence of her son start to disappear, her shrink, Dr. Munce (Gary Sinise), and husband, Jim (Anthony Edwards), try to convince her she’s delusional and that her son never existed. I hate when that happens. But Telly ain’t drinking the Kool-Aid, so she seeks out Ash Correll (Dominic West), an ex-New York Ranger who lives in her neighbourhood, who lost a son in the same crash. Of course he thinks she’s nuttier than a fruitcake. But is she? The feds sudden interest in her activities indicate otherwise. Good cast, intriguing premise…or so it seems. You find yourself drawn in and wonder what the explanation is going to be. Then it unravels into car chases and unsatisfactory answers and plot holes so wide that you could drive a truck through them.
Reno (A.J. Buckley) has his life take a turn for the worse after he finds his girlfriend in bed with a roommate. Ten months later he has a new girlfriend named Holly (Holly Fields) when his uncle dies, leaving Reno a huge house in his will. However, the house still requires several payments before it can be owned, so they interview several prospects for roommates, eventually settling for Chad (David Wheir) and Nicole (Jennifer Lyons), which leads to jealousy and people getting on each others nerves. But not as bad as this movie got on my nerves. It’s supposedly a comedy, but it generates no laughs. It offers nothing new. Anything remotely funny is stolen from other films. The supposedly wild roomies aren’t all that out of control either. The direction seemed amateurish at times, like the director wanted to include more, but was forced to drastically edit. Or maybe the film ran out of money. Some of the contrived situations designed to provide laughs are plain stupid. Your life can still be fulfilled if you miss this one.
A documentary by David Miller focusing on conflict in the Gaza Strip seen mostly through the eyes of Palestinian children. A second film was planned giving the Israeli point of view, but Miller was shot by the Israelis during the filming of this one. If nothing else, you’ll achieve a better mindset of what drives such hatred towards an enemy. Some of the scenes are chilling. This is riveting drama unfolding before our eyes. Here we witness children being used as pawns by militants, propaganda being spoon fed in schools, innocents referring to Jews as pigs at a tender age and much that may make the average person queasy. Hopefully the recent Israeli withdrawal from the strip will affect change in the region. Only time will tell.
Three music boxes containing a secret are built by a prison inmate to be sold at auction. When the intended buyer is delayed, they’re sold to three different patrons. Mrs. Hilda Courtney (Patricia Morrison) is a femme fatale willing to go to great lengths to recover the boxes for her gang of ne’er do wells. Not bloody likely with Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone) and Dr. Watson (Nigel Bruce) on the case! This was the last in the series of Rathbone/Bruce Holmes films. It’s entertaining enough, albeit short. Morrison acquits herself well as a worthy foil. The two main stars could have played these roles in their sleep at this point. Holmes’ great leaps of logic only come due to offhand blathering by Watson. This has gotten a little old. Holmes owes his career to that man, I swear. The plot here is a little thin. Average, at best.
Chad (Aaron Eckhart) and Howard (Matt Malloy) are off on a six week assignment for the corporate company they work for. Both bemoan unfair treatment by women they’ve been in relationships with recently. Although Howard is the group leader, Chad is definitely the more alpha male of these buddies from the same alma mater. So when Chad proposes getting revenge on a random woman, preferably someone who generally would have trouble dating, the weaker Howard goes along. So they select a capable, pretty secretary at the firm named Christine (Stacy Edwards). Chad is giddy once he discovers Christine is deaf. They’ve found their mark and begin to play her like a fiddle, with no concern about any possible consequences for their actions. You may end up loving this movie or you may end up enraged, but watch it you should. Eckhart is fantastic, and his character is so vile and calculating, it should make your stomach churn. However, it’s Howard who is a more accurate example of the average male-there is some good within him, he’s certainly nothing to be proud of. There’s a condemnation here of the games forced to be played in the dog eat dog white collar world as well, but the primary focus is on how self-centered men can be as their primary focus is personal advancement. I won’t say more about Edwards, who gives a splendid performance, because I don’t want to spoil the outcome. If you missed this one, it’s worth seeking out.
William (Tim Robbins) is an investigator in a futuristic world who’s been implanted with an empathy virus which heightens his intuitive powers. He’s sent to Shanghai to look into stolen papelles (papers necessary for travel), which Maria Gonzalez (Samantha Morton) has been smuggling from her workplace. William is instantly infatuated by her, and thus covers for her, throwing caution, and possibly his marriage to the wind. But not everything is possible in this sterile environment in which reproduction is stringently monitored and the government controls practically everything. Yes, this is creative science fiction for intellectuals. Maybe I’m not brainy enough to decipher all the plot elements, or maybe I just found my mind wondering at times. I didn’t find these characters to be all that interesting. Certainly not enough to care about them. I found the two to be a mismatch. I think if somehow this was a thriller, this society would have been more interesting. But having a dose of that empathy virus would be cool!
Several scientists are being kidnapped and reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow) is given a scoop on why. When giant robots attack NYC, "Sky Captain" Joe Sullivan (Jude Law) is called in to defend the city under siege. He reluctantly accepts his old flame’s offer to work together because he needs her information, and she needs a story. Aided by technical wizard Dex Dearborn (Giovanni Ribisi) and Captain Francesca "Franky" Cook, they must rush to save the world from diabolical forces. This is mostly an exercise of style over substance, but man, what style! The otherworldly look is fantastic as homage is paid to a past of film noir, comic book heroes and pulp fiction novels. Who cares if the plot is basic and the characters two dimensional? It’s a visual masterpiece and pretty good fun as well.
Bill (David Field) and John (Syd Brisbane) are a couple of losers who bide their time at the track and doing some serious drinking. John is approached by a shady character who wants him to train a greyhound for him. He’s being played of course, but soon Bill and John are in full bore with dreams of big riches. But these guys aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, and you just know they’re going to screw up. Ok, Australians are difficult to understand as is. But drunken Aussies? Good luck! And these guys are constantly drunk. Otherwise, this wasn’t too bad. It’s like a play in regards to the fact that there are only two speaking roles. And it’s mildly amusing watching the gears cranking in these dimwits’ heads. But they’re in an obvious downward spiral and it’s a bit too easy to intuit where things are going.
Americans Jeff Meyer (Paul Popowich) and his sister Alexa (Kam Heskin), Brit Justin (Nicholas Iron), and Romanian Linsey (Monica Davidescu) are four students wanting to submit theses to the dean of the University of Bucharest, Radescu (Brad Dourif), all linked in one way or another to the historical turned mythical legend, Vlad the Impaler (Francesco Quinn). A Romanian named Adrian (Billy Zane) is dispatched to help guide them to a historic location, but also to discover if Linsey possesses a necklace missing from Vlad’s tomb, and if possible, keep it from falling into the hands of those who would use it for evil. Along the way they encounter the mysterious Ilona (Iva Hasperger), who seems to only speak Olde English. In case you haven’t guessed, they may also encounter someone else in the woods of Romania. Although based on the real Vlad the Impaler, some liberties are taken with history. And this is not a vampire movie. The plot is vague and things aren’t explained well. The climax is poorly executed. Afterwards one of the characters asks what just happened. Their guess is as good as mine. The very end is ridiculous. And Vlad just isn’t all that frightening. This was supposed to be a sadistic guy, but there’s a minimum amount of violence. I don’t think this ever made it to the theatres. It would have been skewered anyway.
Ron Burgandy (Will Ferrell) is the anchorman of the top rated news team in 70s era San Diego. He’s somewhat of a local celebrity. The rest of the team consists of Brian Fantana (Paul Rudd), Brick Tamland (Steve Carrell) and Champ Kind (David Koechner). Aiming at diversity, news director Ed Harken (Fred Willard) hires bombshell Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate) as a reporter. All the guys hit on her, and Ron even succeeds, but when her ambitions begin to be seen as threatening, things sour quickly as the battle of the sexes commences. I bet the actors had a ton of fun ad-libbing during filming, and maybe it was a hoot at the time. But the majority of the quips here land with a deadening thud making you want to cringe. There are a few amusing moments, particularly Luke Wilson’s cameo appearances. If you insist on watching it might help if you get really stoned first. So much here belongs on the cutting room floor.