I Heart Huckabees

Albert Markovski (Jason Swartzman) is an environmentalist in charge of the Open Spaces Coalition. Huckabees is a corporation that becomes affiliated with Open Spaces because Brad wants to pretend it cares about the environment. Brad Stand (Jude Law) is responsible for the affiliation and is rising through the ranks of the company. Albert hires William and Vivian Jaffe (Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin), two existential detectives, to look into a series of encounters he’s had with a large African man to discover if they were merely coincidence. They delve deep into Albert’s life, including his dealings with Brad. Soon Brad hires them also for him and his company spokes model girlfriend, Dawn Campbell (Naomi Watts), just to irritate Albert, who he’s trying to squeeze out of Open Spaces. The Jaffes pair Albert up with Tommy Corn (Mark Wahlberg), another client of theirs who is environmentally conscious, to work as buddies. But Tommy is starting to question the Jaffes’ teachings after reading a book by French existentialist Catarine Vauban (Isabelle Huppert), an enemy of the Jaffes. Soon she’s on the scene working with both Tommy and Albert. The Jaffes specialize in quantum physics theories and philosophical psychobabble and dispense their musings liberally. This is a screwball comedy so we’re not expected to even try to understand all this. It’s a very quirky movie to say the least, not to mention highly creative and original. Some will loathe it, but I was impressed…particularly with the performances of Law and Wahlberg. It is rather clever even though the premise is absurd, and there are several very funny moments within.

Confessions Of A Sociopathic Social Climber

Katya Livingston (Jennifer Love Hewitt) is an ad executive in San Francisco who is obsessed with climbing to the top of the social ladder. She’s also being forced to keep a financial journal by the IRS after filing questional claims. She’s catty, unethical and in insensitive. Her friends are Eliza (Sonja Bennett) and gay pal Ferguson (Joey Lawrence). Everyone seems to be inviting to a big upcoming soiree but Katya, and she’s determined to get a ticket. She also has her sights set on Charles Fitz (Colin Ferguson), a guy she hasn’t met but works in her building. So that’s basically the plot…land the guy and snag a ticket. But it’s a painful journey to watch with an even more painful and unsatisfactory conclusion. I don’t even know how we’re expected to believe she’s successful because she does as little work as she possibly can. Hewitt is quite good in the mean bitch role, but this vehicle stinks. Apparently this was made for the Oxygen channel, but it’s anything but a dose of fresh air.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Peter LaFleur (Vince Vaughn) owns a humble gym called Average Joe’s that’s operating in the red. It has a modest clientele composed mostly of misfits. The bank sends in Kate Veatch (Christine Taylor) to look into the gym’s books and she announces that Peter has to come up with $50,000.00 by the end of the month or he’ll lose the gym. And his rival, White Goodman (Ben Stiller), who owns a chain of gyms, is eagerly awaiting to claim Average Joe’s as his own. The only way to come up with the cash is to win a dodge ball tournament held in Las Vegas. They catch a break when Patches O’Houlihan (Rip Torn), a dodge ball legend, decides to coach them. But White assembles a powerful team to enter the tourney and prevent Peter’s team from winning. Of course this is a totally silly movie with a lot of cheap laughs. But I’ll be damned if it isn’t funny! Who doesn’t have their own memories of dodge ball? Wasn’t it great to pick on the weak? Heh. Stiller’s character is a memorable one, for sure. He’s not afraid to look like an idiot. And Vaughn is a good straight man. It’s not a great comedy, but it’s consistent enough with its laughs to entertain throughout.



Exorcist: The Beginning

Lankester Merrin (Stellan Skarsgard) has left the priesthood after losing his faith after witnessing atrocities during WWII. He’s an archaeologist and while in Cairo he’s asked to recover a relic believed to be held in a newly discovered church in Kenya. Merrin is intrigued because the church shouldn’t even exist. He also discovers it’s well preserved, as if it had been buried immediately after construction. The church’s representative sent to accompany Merrin is Father Francis (James D’Arcy). A man named Jeffries (Alan Ford) shows the two around the site. A doctor named Sarah (Izabella Scorupco) tends to the ill and injured. Natives of the area sense evil within the church. In fact, there is a history of evil here, and unrest grows as strange things begin to occur. This Renny Harlin film is probably the best of the three sequels to the original classic, but that’s not much of an accomplishment. Skarsgard’s character is an interesting one and his performance is the best thing about the film. Harlin just doesn’t weave the tale well and too much is left unexplained. It’s not all that scary either, and the climax seems to draw too much from the original film.

Taxi

Washburn (Jimmy Fallon) is a bumbling NYC cop who’s lost his liscence because he’s a terrible driver. Lt. Marta Robbins (Jennifer Esposito) is his boss and she demotes him to walking the beat after he has an embarrassing accident. When Washburn witness a bank robbery he commandeers the cab of Belle (Queen Latifah), whose taxi is anything but street legal. Thus begins the chase after four sexy bank robbers, who are led by Vanessa (Gisele Bundchen). That thud you here is hopefully the end of Fallon’s movie career. This is simply a disastrous, cringe inducing attempt at a comedy in which nothing works. I pity any fool who pays money to see it.

Criminal

Richard Gaddis (John C. Reilly) is a confidence man, who after spotting a young grifter named Rodrigo (Diego Luna) working a casino, takes him aside and offers to take him on as a partner. He shows his young protégé a few tricks before Richard’s sister, Valerie (Maggie Gyllenhaal), who works in a four star hotel, calls him after a forger acquaintance of Richard, Ochoa (Zitto Kazann), is discovered sick in a men’s room and is asking for Richard. Valerie hates Richard and is only trying to avoid a scene. Ochoa needs Richard to take over negotiations with a wealthy hotel guest named William Hannigan (Peter Mullan), who is willing to buy the counterfeit bank note Ochoa is offering. Richard knows he’s Ochoa’s option, so he wants the lion’s share. Rodrigo also wants in. But who exactly is conning who here isn’t obvious. Apparently this a fairly faithful remake of a film called Nine Queens out of Argentina. I haven’t seen it. This one is very good though. The pacing, the dialogue, the acting. It all works. Reilly is really impressive in the leading role. There are plenty of twists, but the story isn’t too complex that you’ll get lost. Part of the fun is that you have no idea where it’s headed.



White Noise

Jonathan Rivers (Michael Keaton) is an architect who is devastated after the disappearance of his wife, Anna (Chandra West). One day he’s approached by Raymond Price (Ian McNeice), who informs Jonathan that he’s been contacted from “the other side” by Anna through a process called electronic voice phenomenon (EVP). Through Price he meets Sarah Tate (Deborah Kara Unger), who vouches for Price’s authenticity. Before long Jonathan purchases his own equipment and begins being contacted by the dead himself. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a supposed horror movie that’s been so dull or lacking in scares. Watching white noise on TV is annoying, so it should be no surprise that watching Keaton watching white noise is just as annoying. I don’t think all the plot elements were properly explained either, so we’re left with holes. Feel free to take a pass on this one.

Flight Of The Phoenix

Frank Towns (Dennis Quaid) is a cocksure pilot sent to Mongolia to pick up an oil exploratory team headed by an engineer named Kelly (Miranda Otto). A.J. (Tyrese) is Towns’ co-pilot and they both view the failed team as a bunch of losers. A mystery man named Elliott (Giovanni Ribisi) is also along for the ride although no one quite knows why he was stationed with the team. The overloaded plane runs into trouble when it encounters a sandstorm, loses radio contact, is sent off-course and crash lands. Stranded in the desert with little food or water, their options are limited and their prospects are dim. This is a remake of a 1965 Jimmy Stewart movie which is supposedly a better film, but I haven’t seen it to compare. So since I didn’t know the story, I was pretty entertained by this. The special effects are decent. I thought Quaid and Ribisi played their roles well. The dialogue was nothing to write home about though and I found how things played out with some desert pirates defied belief. In reality all the survivors would have been murdered. The ending shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone for one very obvious reason. You figure it out.

Closer

Dan (Jude Law) meets Alice (Natalie Portman), an American stripper new to London after she’s struck by a cab. They end up in a relationship, and Dan, a writer of obituaries and aspiring author, writes a book based on Alice. At a photo shoot Dan meets photographer, Anna (Julia Roberts), and becomes fascinated with her, but through an ironic twist of his own creation, she ends up marrying a dermatologist named Larry (Clive Owen). Thus begins a tangled web of forbidden love, lies and deception in a critical indictment of modern relationships. I absolutely loved this movie. The dialogue was smart. The acting was amazing, especially Owen and Portman. Never was there a dull moment. Sure, none of the characters were particularly likeable, but at least you get to see a couple of them get their just desserts. Oh my God, my how the little girl in The Professional has grown up!

A Dirty Shame

In the Harford Road neighbourhood of Baltimore, Sylvia Stickles (Tracey Ullman) is a prude who resists the sexual urges of her husband, Vaughn (Chris Isaak), and keeps her daughter Caprice (Selma Blair) and her obscenely surgically enhanced breasts under lock and key. But when she suffers a concussion and meets tow truck driver/sexual healer Ray Ray (Johnny Knoxville) who enlightens her to a world of debauchery. As Sylvia’s hormones rage out of control and she meets fetishists of every variety, her mother, Big Ethel (Suzanne Shepherd) is organizing a rally of all the “neuters” in the neighbourhood to stand up to the increasing number of people shedding their inhibitions after they too suffer accidental concussions. If you think this sounds like a John Waters film, it is. Although he likes to shock, this is a horrible misfire. It’s simply not funny and goes on and on being unfunny. As it gets more and more ridiculous, you just pray that it ends soon. You expect surreal from Waters, but after four years without a film, you’d expect better than this.

Elephant

This Gus Van Sant film was shot using a digital camera and eavesdrops on several students in a meandering style as they go through a typical day of high school that will end up as anything but. We meets John (John Robinson), Elias (Elias McConnell), Jordan (Jordan Taylor), Carrie (Carrie Finklea), Nicole (Nicole George), Brittany (Brittany Mountain), Acadia (Alica Miles) and Michelle (Kristen Hicks). Also Eric (Eric Deulen) and Alex (Alex Frost) as they prepare to unleash hell on their unsuspecting classmates. Obviously inspired by the Columbine massacre, this is a very effective format for shooting the movie. Van Sant films often test the patience of viewers, but it works here as the viewer watches, dreading what is to come. Most of the cast are not actors and most of the dialogue is inconsequential. We’re not given definitive answers why such things happen, although certain reasons are hinted at. Is there ever really one clear reason?



Evil Remains

Mark (Daniel Gillies) is a graduate student preparing to write a thesis based on a local myth. He interviews the psychiatrist (played by Kurtwood Smith) who treated a boy who brutally slew his parents twenty years prior. The house resides on the site of a former New Orleans plantation at which many atrocities to slaves occurred. Now it’s rumoured that anyone who sets foot on the property will become possessed. Mark heads out with his brother Tyler (Clayne Crawford) and their friends, Eric (Jeff Bryan Davis), Kristy Goodman (Estella Warren) and Sharon (Ashley Scott). Pretty soon they discover the myth may be more than urban legend. This is one horror movie that had potential, but terrible lighting and poor camera work ruined that. I couldn’t even tell what was happening during the action scenes and I never did get a good glimpse of the villain. The lighting beef is a problem I have with many horror films. Sure, things are more frightening in the dark, but other movies have been able to pull off attacks in the dark effectively.

Saw

Dr. Lawrence Gordon (Cary Elwes) and Adam (Leigh Whannell) are two men who awaken in a rundown restroom, chained at the foot at opposite ends of the room, and the victim of a gunshot suicide lies in the center. Gordon soon learns he has only a few hours to kill Adam or his wife, Alison (Monica Potter) and daughter will be killed. Gordon had been a suspect in a murder case handled by Detective David Tapp (Danny Glover) and realizes a connection to those murders. The question is…can he and Adam work together to foil the plot, or does Gordon have what it takes to kill Adam? I enjoyed this horror flick mostly for its originality. There is genuine suspense in various scenes and the story is pretty well thought out. The acting leaves much to be desired, particularly Elwes, who usually isn’t this bad. I expected this to stink but it turned out to be pretty good even if the climax is a little off the wall and the director goofed in a scene involving a gunshot.



Noise

Joyce Chandler (Trish Goff) is a recently divorced recovering alcoholic who finds a cozy NYC apartment after a long search. She also lands a job as a copy editor at a magazine. Her upstairs neighbour is Charlotte Bancroft (Ally Sheedy) and she gets on Joyce’s nerves by blaring her TV late at night. After confronting her, Charlotte takes it personally and she begins taking pleasure in further tormenting Joyce. Joyce’s work begins to suffer for it and she’s at her wit’s end to think of ways to combat Charlotte that won’t backfire on her. Of course, in situations like this, things only tend to escalate, and here is no exception. The main criticism I have is bad acting. Sheedy makes her character seem so unhinged, it’s hard to imagine her successfully functioning in public. And Goff simply can’t act, nor does her character inspire any sympathy. In fact, the way things play out, she deserves none at all. Goff’s inability to act drags the film right down with her.

Birth

Ten years after the death of her husband, Anna (Nicole Kidman) is ready to move on, finally accepting the marriage proposal from Joseph (Danny Huston). But at a dinner at which Anna’s mother, Eleanor (Lauren Bacall), sister Laura (Alison Elliott), brother-in-law Bob (Arliss Howard), Joseph, Anna, and good friends Clifford (Peter Stormare) and Clara (Anne Heche) are present, a ten year old boy named Sean (Cameron Bright) shows up unannounced to tell Anna that he is her husband Sean and that she shouldn’t marry Joseph. Of course every thinks it’s preposterous and Sean is told to leave Anna alone. Yet he persists and before long Anna is convinced it is Sean, and she’s conflicted inside on how to proceed. Kidman nails her part here, convincingly revealing her inner turmoil. Bright is effective as well. He actually gives a kind of creepy air to the proceedings. The very premise is pretty creepy-a thirty-something woman thinking of a relationship with a young boy, but it’s handled fairly well. The reactions of friends and family to the dilemma seem appropriate. But in the end, the way it plays out is a cop-out and too many things are left unexplained. I can’t explain what I mean without giving too much away.

The Stepford Wives

Walter Eberhart (Peter Masterson) moves his wife Joanna (Katharine Ross) and their kids from New York City to the cozy town of Stepford, Connecticut. Joanna isn’t keen on the move and doesn’t care much for the people of Stepford, but she becomes friends with Bobby (Paula Prentiss) and Charmaine (Tina Louise), both of whom are disturbed by the overly domesticated wives of the town, none of whom are interested in liberation. They begin to suspect something is wrong, and their deepest fear is becoming like the others. And the elite men’s club the husbands have formed may be the root of the problem. This fits more into the horror genre than the lame remake, which didn’t work at all as a comedy. There’s a creepy undertone here and a rather smart script. Ross and Prentiss work well together, as do Ross and Masterson. Skip the remake and catch this one. If nothing else it provides relevant social commentary, for sure.




Nature Unleashed: Volcano

Russell Woods (Chris Martin) encounters tragedy while filming an active volcano. He watches his crew perish, then his wife, Dee (Marnie Alton), as she tries to save a baby as lava endangers the nearby town. Three weeks later Russell fulfills a promise made to Dee by visiting her hometown in Italy. There he encounters an apparently crazy mute girl named Angela (Sara Lane), who seems to have some kind of connection to the deceased Dee, and she seems to be trying to warn Russell of something. The head of the monastery, Father Dominic (Philip Dunbar), dismisses Angela as a child of the devil, but schoolteacher Sylvia Diablo (Antonella Elia) thinks otherwise. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what Angela is warning Russell about. And the premise here is spectacularly preposterous. How this script ever got approved is beyond me. The direction and acting are equally as bad. Chalk this down as one of the movies you’d watch just to make fun of it.

That Hamilton Woman

Emma Hart (Vivien Leigh) worked her way up from a rather unsavorly past to become the trophy wife of Sir William Hamilton (Alan Mowbray), the British ambassador to Naples. But she finds true, but forbidden love upon meeting Lord Horatio Nelson (Laurence Olivier) as he battled Napoleon Bonaparte and the French army. They conduct a prolonged affair that neither can bear to end. And Lady Frances Nelson (Gladys Cooper) would never grant Horatio a divorce, so the general public looked down on the affair. This story is a true one and it’s well known that it was Winston Churchill’s favourite film. It was also used for its propaganda value and inspiring the troops in WWII since it’s very pro Britain. There’s plenty of good dialogue and Leigh totally upstages Olivier, although he does have a couple moments. But it’s Leigh who shines and carries the film. Both stars were married at the time, but an affair started here before they eventually married. No wonder they were so convincing in their roles!



Night Of The Living Dead

Barbara (Judith O’Dea) escapes from a zombie-like creature who killed her brother in a cemetery, winding up at a remote house where she meets Ben (Duane Jones), who has fled similar zombies in town. He manages to coax Barbara, who is suffering from shock, to help him barricade the doors and windows as more zombies gather outside. Later they discover more people seeking refuge in the basement including Harry Cooper (Karl Hardman), his wife Helen (Marilyn Eastman) and their unconscious daughter Karen (Kyra Schon), and a young couple, Tom (Keith Wayne) and Judy (Judith Ridley). Harry and Ben butt heads on the course of action to take, and the resulting tension plus the impending doom lurking outside, as well as mass hysteria nationwide make for an intriguing horror film. It holds up well today even if it’s mild on the gore front. Even the actual scares are kept to a minimum. It’s the unknown factor that keeps things suspenseful. The interaction between the characters is not just filler as in most horror movies. The acting itself however isn’t great. And I wonder if director George Romero holds a low opinion of women, because they’re depicted as pretty useless here, relying on the men to protect them and do all the thinking. I do applaud his ability to produce an effective and haunting thriller out of a bare bones budget though.



After The Sunset

Max Burdett (Pierce Brosnan) and Lola Cirillo (Salma Hayek) are jewel thieves who pull one last caper before retiring to the Bahamas. They make FBI agent Stan Lloyd (Woody Harrelson) look foolish by stealing the jewel from under his nose in the process. So when a famous jewel is set to be on display on a ship docked in that island nation, Lloyd shows up hoping he’ll bust the pair trying to steal it. And Max is itching to end his retirement, so when gangster Henri Moore (Don Cheadle) proposes they form a partnership, Max is intrigued despite Lola begging him not to get involved. Lloyd finds himself a partner of his own in a local cop named Sophie (Naomie Harris), who’s looking for a big bust to boost her career. God, I hated this movie. The opening scene was preposterous (remote control limo), and it was downhill from there. Brosnan and Hayek seemed disinterested, and although Harrelson was game, he seemed miscast. And Cheadle rarely registers at all due to lack of screen time. As a caper movie, this was pretty lame and heists have been much better done and explained elsewhere. And as a comedy, this was pretty bad. It went way out of its way to try to generate laughs that were pretty much stolen from elsewhere anyway. At least Hayek is easy on the eyes, but that’s the only positive thing I can say about this stinker.

Sideways

Miles (Paul Giamatti) is an aspiring writer and an amateur wine connoisseur. Divorced for two years and being treated for depression, he takes his best friend Jack (Thomas Haden Church), who’s had mild success as an actor, on a weeklong road trip through California’s wine country before Jack walks down the aisle himself. Miles wants to show his buddy a good time, and Jack wants to get them both laid. Jack hooks them up with Maya (Virginia Madsen), a waitress Miles is acquainted with and her friend Stephanie (Virginia Madsen), who also both appreciate a good wine. Credit good writing here for not turning a movie with so much talk about wine into a dreadful bore. I didn’t find it to be as good as many critics made it out to be, but the various humorous moments ultimately make it a winner. Giamatti gives yet another solid performance in a leading role, even though he falls short of having your typical Hollywood leading man looks. Madsen was also nominated for her supporting role. What kind of ticked me off was all the driving done while drunk in this movie, yet the director never showed how dangerous it can be. But this is a good film. Don’t let the focus on wine scare you away.