Ha! Someone posted this one on Krissy's forum...

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS." The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it. The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and said PMS is in the Bible, he showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

Ole married an attractive woman, Lena, half his age.

After several months, Lena complained that she had never

climaxed during sex; and according to her Grandma,

all Norwegian farm women are entitled to a climax

once in a while. So, to resolve the problem,

they went to see the large-animal Vet since there was no trustworthy

doctor anywhere in Mower County.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot

summer, his Mother and Dad, Olga and Sven,

would fan a cow that was having any difficulty birthing a calf to cool

her down and make her struggles easier.

So, the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave

a towel over them while they were having sex.

This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to climax.

So the couple hired a young man from

the big city of Minneapolis named Lars to wave a towel

over them as the Vet suggested. After many

efforts, still no climax. They went back to the Vet.

The Vet said for Lena to change partners and let Lars have sex with

her while Ole waved the towel.

They tried it that night and Lena went into wild, screaming,

ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other.

 

When it was over, Ole smugly looked down at Lars and said, "Ya see,

city slicker, now DAT's how ya wave a towel!"

Memo From: Bin Laden, Osama (I'man Overladen Bin)
To: All Al Queda Fighters
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys.

We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ...have you?

I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the shit out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

Group Hug.

Os.

PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.