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Post Info TOPIC: Joke time

Senior Member

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Posts: 359
Joke time

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labor is asked by the

midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies.

"OK Do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.

"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see

her that the baby is black".

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and

nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porno movie.

The leading man was black".

"Oh," says the midwife, "it's really none of my business and I'm sorry that

I have to ask you these awkward questions, but I must also tell you that

the baby has blonde hair".

"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was

this Swedish guy."

"Oh," the midwife repeats, "it's really none of my business and I hate to

pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes".

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the

movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who

immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum.

The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank God for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that

it was going to bark!"





The next time you feel like complaining.... Remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30% of people in this world.

The Omnipotent One

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Posts: 2696

Ha! Someone posted this one on Krissy's forum...

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS." The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it. The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and said PMS is in the Bible, he showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

Rick's Psycho Ward

Senior Member

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Posts: 156

Gotta love drunks

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud

pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a

drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3 o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3 o'clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember

about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I

think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the

pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, Please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained. John Bowell

Senior Member

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Posts: 359

Ole married an attractive woman, Lena, half his age.

After several months, Lena complained that she had never

climaxed during sex; and according to her Grandma,

all Norwegian farm women are entitled to a climax

once in a while. So, to resolve the problem,

they went to see the large-animal Vet since there was no trustworthy

doctor anywhere in Mower County.

The Vet didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot

summer, his Mother and Dad, Olga and Sven,

would fan a cow that was having any difficulty birthing a calf to cool

her down and make her struggles easier.

So, the Vet told them to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave

a towel over them while they were having sex.

This, the Vet said, would cause the young wife to climax.

So the couple hired a young man from

the big city of Minneapolis named Lars to wave a towel

over them as the Vet suggested. After many

efforts, still no climax. They went back to the Vet.

The Vet said for Lena to change partners and let Lars have sex with

her while Ole waved the towel.

They tried it that night and Lena went into wild, screaming,

ear-splitting climaxes, one after the other.


When it was over, Ole smugly looked down at Lars and said, "Ya see,

city slicker, now DAT's how ya wave a towel!"

The next time you feel like complaining.... Remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30% of people in this world.

The Omnipotent One

Status: Offline
Posts: 2696


It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs................. and the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Rick's Psycho Ward

Veteran Member

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Posts: 53

Memo From: Bin Laden, Osama (I'man Overladen Bin)
To: All Al Queda Fighters
Subject: The Cave

Hi guys.

We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns.

First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ...have you?

I've posted a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the toaster).

Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the shit out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant Ossy Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

Love you lots,

Group Hug.


PS - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.


reality is your perception of my subjects

The Omnipotent One

Status: Offline
Posts: 2696

HAHAHA! That was funny, duffy.

Rick's Psycho Ward
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