I recently got one of those Myspace messages most of us who belong to that site periodically get from people looking to hook up (or so they say). I decided to play along, intentionally indicating initially that I wasn’t really interested. I wanted to prove that it doesn’t much matter what you say to these people. If you respond they’re going to feed you their pitch eventually. What follows is my correspondence with someone claiming to be Judith. I hope you enjoy it. Don’t mind her poor spelling and grammar. Her messages are the ones in bold type. Bear in mind what I replied is unaltered in any way. Sorry if it’s on the long side, but you might find it amusing.

The lovely Judith (who in actuality is probably some schlep named Sahib)

hello bawdy?

I really like your profile, i will like to tell you somethings about me.... My name is Judith Williams, i was born in the year 1979 which means am gonna clock 27 yrs old this very new yr.

I model for clothing companies i do travel overseas almost twice in a year for my work,i am presently in nigeria,modelling for a clothing company which i ll gonna be back to the states in 3 weeks time.I dont know if u care to meet me in person.i am from New York.

I am single since i had caught my fiancee red handed im my room sleeping with my best friend..but i have erased there path from my heart we took to meet in life.

Now,i looking for a new love,relationship (Mr Right) i dont know if its you ?

But the kind of man am looking for must be very well responsible,honest,caring,lovely,open minded and hard working which will be able to control my business in future if he likes.

As for the type of companion I desire. It is rather simple. Race, ethnicity, and physical appearance in general is not problem. My interest is in a good personality and sense of humor for I need someone to lift my spirits. I generally prefer men in the age range of 24-55 bcos i belive age its just a number, but am open to any depending upon their sharing the intimate side of myself with someone willing to do the same. I hope to find a man that I could possibly have a new life with.
Am still single Still searching for a man who will make me happy till the end of my life and the man i can spend the rest of my life with. I am looking for a love,relationship (Mr Right) i dont know if its you ?

judith?

RE: hello bawdy?

Hey Judith…you're very beautiful but as lovely as your offer sounds, I doubt I could satisfy you. Best of luck to you in your search though!

Rick

RE: RE: hello bawdy?

how are u doing, am very gad about your reply yo me, well it,s nice and kind to meet you, pls can i know some about your?

RE: RE: RE: hello bawdy?

Why, yes Judith. It's a great pleasure to meet you as well. I enjoy meeting articulate people such as you, especially when they have pretty faces and nice boobies.

You want to know more about me? Well, I'm 42 years old and live in my parents' basement. I'm 5' 2" tall and weigh 320 pounds and for one reason or another I just haven't been able to meet that special someone. Perhaps it's my chronic halitosis, but my guess is it could have more to do with my persistent flatulence or unbearable body odor.

I do have a sweet set-up here though. Mom's a great cook, and dad has Alzheimer's so since mom knows nothing about finances, I have power of attorney and I'm able to bilk money from dad’s bank account without his knowing. I can buy all the Cheetos we want and have a futon you can crash on.

I can easily handle your career because I'm pretty much unemployable, so I can devote my time to managing you. How soon do you think you can move in?

Rick

hello,

Its my very good pleasure to read from you and also know much about you and
i am very happy you are the first member that talk to me on this
site...life is good and it is okay and fine..how is life treating you
overthere ?


And i will like to ask u some questions below :

1..what do u like in a lady ?

2..are u a player or for real ?

3..are u single,married or divorced?

4..do u have kids ?

5..what do you do for a living?

6..tell me about urself ?

7..what do u do for fun and in your free time?

8.. Whats your bad and good experience in meeting a lady on the Internet.

9..how do you treat your woman

Hope to hear back from you soonest.

Judith.

RE: hello,

Hi Judith,

Life is treating me good other than this huge boil I have that needs to be lanced. Thanks for asking. How are you?

In response to your questions...

1) I like a woman who is confident, intelligent, honest and has a great personality. But really if she has nice boobies and a great ass, I can't complain.

2) Oh, I'm for real. Can't you tell by my avatar? (*Note: my avatar at Myspace is Bart Simpson)

3) Single. Who in their right mind would marry me?

4) No kids. I think I'm shooting blanks.

5) For a living? I already told you I skim money off my pops. I'm counting on you to be my meal ticket.

6) I told you about myself in our previous correspondence. Did you even read it?

7) I like to masturbate in my free time. And I have a lot of free time.

8) I haven't had any good experiences with women on the internet. I've been waiting all my life for you. I think it's fate that we met. We may be soul mates.

9) I treat my women well. I mean, I want to get laid like the next guy. I'd never sleep with your best friend like your loser player ex-boyfriend. But in case things don't work out between us, can you put me in contact with her? I bet she's hot.

Love, Rick

am very happy to see you again?

How are you and work,hope all is well with you ? its my very great pleasure to hear from you back,its really make my days with the lovely email you sent to me and i like the way you answer my question .

For me,i like going to beaches,watching,movies shows,musical concerts and sometime go for dinner and taste a little coffe.

Yea,i am for real,bcos i dont have time for playing games around,bcos its very awwful when someone hurt another good feelings... Well, relationship can mean two things: 1) it can mean that we have a connection, which I think exists 2) relationship also means to be romantically and sexually involved and I think we aren't at that level. So, I think at this point, given the amount of time we have e-mail one another, we definetly have a friendship forming based on some external and internal similarities that are developing into a relationship that will bring us a little closer with good intentions, and the potential exists for the relationship to evolve into something more significant.

I've been in several rapports where I was not fully appreciated. In fact, many times I felt I was taken advantage of and that hurts. I'd like to meet someone who recognizes the little things I do for him and knows how to be appreciative. For instance, if I were to make breakfast in bed or draw a bath for my man,he could thank me by giving me a hug or a kiss. Or perhaps sending me a card for no particular occasion just to tell me 'thank you.' I'm very appreciative of what people do for me and Ill reward them in my own little ways. To me, it's the little things that mean a great deal to me.

What does it really mean to be affectionate? I love a man who can display his affections for me anytime and anywhere without having to be shy. And a person who knows how to be affectionate is a big plus. I love being affectionate.

This may be an odd one, but I've learned that there are many man out there that are set in their ways. They have one way of doing things and are never open to suggestions or advices. Stubborn man are a majoy turn off for me. I like a man who is open to ideas, thoughts, and
basically openminded. I think being receptive brings about sensitivity as well. A man who is ignorant, mean, and just plain insensitive is difficult to get along with.

I would say that I'm not afraid to display my emotions. I'd like someone who is sensitive and caring. If I'm sad, I'd like for him to be able to comfort me and cheer me up. He doesn't has to do much, but just knowing that he's there solacing me is more than good enough.

Have you ever had someone not stand up for you? I was deeply hurt when someone I once knew wouldn't not stand up for me, even after he told me he loved me. I would never allow someone to hurt my boyfriend or my husband, and I would always stand up for him. One thing I will always do for my man is to protect him.

Well,i cant wait to hear from you soonest.

Hope you are thinking about me ?

Hope to hear from you soonest.
Judith.

RE: am very happy to see you again?

Hi Judith..

I got treated at the hospital today for burns after an accident while lighting farts but can write to you as long as I remain standing.

I like going to the beach to watch the honeys too. I bet you look great in a thong. Hell, I bet you look better out of one! And I like going to movies, concerts and restaurants too, until one of my many repulsive habits inevitably gets me tossed out.

I hate being hurt too. This one girl I was dating insisted I dress up in her lingerie. Then she handcuffed and blindfolded me and led me outside. She thought it was hilarious even when my neighbour, old lady Neusbaum, called the police and had them haul me away. The bitch wouldn't even come post bail because she had to go to work, so I spent the night in lock-up. Us hardened criminals have this saying...what happens in prison stays in prison. But guys from there still call me up to this day. So yeah, I know how you feel about being hurt and taken advantage of. I'll tell you this though. I discovered that women's lingerie makes me feel pretty.

I'm so glad you feel we have a connection. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to take it to the next level you mentioned! So can we speed up this friendship crap so our relationship can evolve? I swear I'd treat you like a queen. Maybe not the queen of England, but the duchess of some little duchy where royalty isn't such a big deal, at least.

There's no way I'd be shy with affection and appreciation if I could get into your pants, baby. I feel we already have a mutual respect for each other and all that other stuff. I'm open to suggestions. In fact I'm very submissive. If you feel I'm set in my ways, you can discipline me until I change. I'm especially receptive to spankings.

And of course I'd stand up for you, as long as it doesn't mean getting hit in the face. I'm a lover, not a fighter. Whoever insults my woman, insults me. I hope you'd stand up for me too, because I get insulted a lot.

I think about you every time I masturbate.

Love, Rick

it,s my good and happy to see your e-mail?

how are u doing today i hope you are getting well, really am very sorry about what happen to you and i wish you are getting ok and fine now i wish i was with you now? well honey may i know everything about you b/c you have been making me sound good to my self and you make me happy whenevr i saw your e-mail, honey tell me do you have and yahoo i,d so that i can be able to chat with you and give other of my pic i hope you will love that?

i hope to hear from you soon

judith?

RE: it,s my good and happy to see your e-mail?

Oh, I'm much better, thanks. I stapled my hand to the wall today by accident, but it's all good. It was actually the most fun I had in weeks. Yahoo ID? The police forbid me from using that anymore, but I'd love to see more pics of you. The less you're wearing the better. I could give you an alternate e-mail address if you'd like. Will that do? Gotta run...I just splooged in my pants!

Rick

thanks on your reply to me?

it.s my very greayest to hear that you are better? now i think everything in now ok and cool with you well am so much happy to hear that? honey i real missed you so much i hpe we can meet to night?online?

if we can meet just give me your yahoo messenger i.d

RE: thanks on your reply to me?

Judith, honey..

Are you not aware that Dr. Phil monitors all Yahoo instant messenger correspondence? He uses the information for extortion purposes and makes you appear on his show. It's not safe!

Rick

Alas, I didn’t hear from Judith again after this. I’m not sure what the scam is once they get your Yahoo ID. I imagine you eventually get hit up for money in one form or another. Anyway, for those of you who slogged through this, I hope you enjoyed it.