Alrighty ya'll....

Dina K · Veteran Member

Alrighty ya'll....

twodogday · Senior Member

Don't project what you think, is or isn't going to happen

talk to Steve about your feelings and just hold each other tight

but, of course I will be sending some good thoughts and a prayer or two your way

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Do you have any firearms in the house? You might want to lock them up. heh

I'm sure he meant fucking bitch in the nicest sense of the term. *grin* I'm sure tens of thousands of step-parents can relate to your situation. If he's spending most of the time there with Steve around, hopefully there won't be a problem. Good luck.

milkmaid · Veteran Member

Be careful Dina....20 years old isn't a kid anymore, but I am sure you know that.

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

These days? They live at home until they're thirty. Some remain children in many ways. The way they're coddled with politically correct b.s. and handled with kid gloves is producing a generation of spoiled brats with no clue how to cope in the real world.

Dina K · Veteran Member

Got home not to long ago....so far so good. Thanks for the well wishes....but this is the kicker....he asked to DRIVE MY JEEEEEPP!!! hahahahahahahhaaha

I almost had an orgasm from laughing!

The weekend is still young though....so I'll keep ya posted. Geeesh.

twodogday · Senior Member

The best thing a parental-unit can do for their children is to prepare them to leave the nest.

My Mom taught us the basic stuff (laundry, cleaning, some cooking and even how to balance our checkbooks) (my sister, of course was mentally abscent that day) :rolleyes:

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Don't forget that all important birds and the bees talk. heh

milkmaid · Veteran Member

Yeah, I hear you Bawdy, I have one that's 24. My point is, raising a hand at Dina, it's not a KID doing that, it's a MAN. I detest violence like this....so my careful remark.

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Sorry, yeah, I did understand your point. People don't respect their elders like they used to. Not that all elders deserve respect. But it should be a courtesy until given a reason not to respect them.

Krissy · Senior Member

Hey, on the bright side he is over 18 so you can kick his ass legally if he raises a hand to you again...

Krissy · Senior Member

My step daughter has been visiting here recently for the summer and it can be trying sometimes. I had to have a psych eval last week and the doctor recommended that I get back on some kind of anti-anxiety medication LOL..I have not needed it for almost two years. The stepbaby comes to stay with me and all of a sudden I am raiding the house for pain pills or ANYTHING.

Dina my love, It is SO hard having to parent other peoples kids. Times arent ALL bad with my stepdaughter. She lets me do girlie girl things like flat iron her hair and put makeup on her. I get to do french braids and dress her up. I have had nothing but boys, so this is fun. It is just hard to deprogram her. She is an over indulged overgrown baby. She is lazy and has zero motivation to do things for herself..like getting dressed, brushing teeth, eating breakfast. Her Mother had her in her late 30's..she was a miracle baby and unexpected. So my SD (stepdaughter) has been forced to stay a baby for way too long. She is ten years old and her mom still buys her blues clues music and pink ruffly sweat suits even though she has breasts, hips, and B.O. She weighs over 100 lbs and is 5 feet tall but tries to skip while she walks and talks baby talk. Her Mom thinks we force her to grow up too fast because we buy her blue jeans and tops from the junior department. Her mom almost had a heart attack because I bought her some badly needed sports bras and deodorant. We give her chores to do and let her watch PG movies. When she leaves us, she is walking with more confidence and maturity, only to have it undone when she goes back to Mom and her Dora the Explorer bedroom sheets. We want to get custody of her, but her Mom is not a bad person and she is a devoted mother. We will just have to wait until SD is old enough to tell a judge who she wants to live with.

but seriously...dont put up with the step sons shit. If he raises his hand to you again call the cops. We dont let strangers raise their hands to us, why would we let family???

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

If she doesn't start acting more her age soon other kids might start making fun of her. Why would her mother object to deodorant? If she has b.o., it becomes a necessity.

Krissy · Senior Member

She is already a loner which is sad. She can be very sweet but her social skills are more pre-school than grade school. She establishes herself as the tattletale, and then is very bossy. Her first couple of long visits were really hard because she ended up in her room having kicking screaming fits when she was not indulged like she usually is. I think the best cure for a spoiled little girl is to throw her in the mix with two older stepbrothers.

Our visits work out much better than they used to. To her credit, she DOES try. She matures leaps and bounds when she is with us. Within two weeks of returning home she is back to acting like an overgrown baby. Joe is looking into asking for custody actually. He has been contemplating it, but not sure because the ex is not a bad person really and he doesnt want to hurt her, he is just concerned that his daughter is not being allowed to grow up which will hamper her later on.

Krissy · Senior Member

but hey, I didnt mean to hijack DInas thread...

Dina, How did the drive go???

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Has Joe discussed custody with the ex? Things can only get nasty when you try to go through the courts trying to claim she's an unfit mother.

Krissy · Senior Member

It would probably have to go to court. The ex wife told SD that she had better not call her up and ask to live with us again because it is not going to happen.

I should send you pictures of how she looks when she gets off the airplane to come and see us and how she looks when she goes home.

When we pick her up she is wearing these flowery print capris with ruffles and a matching tee shirt. Her hair is in curly pony tails. She is wearing sandals and socks like a two year old. She is carrying a bag full of stuffed animals and baby dolls. She talks baby talk and acts helpless. When we got something to eat, she chews with her mouth wide open and wipes her hands off on the front of her shirt and makes a huge mess in a perfect circle perimeter (how do you get food BEHIND YOU while you are eating) She chews on her thumb and has an imaginary friend.

By the end up the summer when she goes home, we have her in blue jeans, a cute shirt that has little ties on the side. White tennis shoes and painted toe nails underneath.. Her hair has been flat ironed and we let her wear a little lip gloss. Instead of baby dolls in her carry on, she has a CD player, game boy, a book, and snacks. She is speaking in complete sentences and is acting like a young lady her age. While she was with us, she did chores...she was not allowed to talk baby talk and I had to gently teach her table manners. She actually enjoyed the whole process because we rewarded her with more freedoms and privledges than she was used to at home.

The girl expected me to cut her meat for her at the table. I had given her a steak knife and she would not touch it saying her Mom does not allow her to touch knives at home. She is ten, not two...I had to teach her how to use a knife and fork at the same time. She had never made her own sandwiches before either. We baked cookies and I let her do everything but knead the dough. I let her bring some of the cookies home as a gift to her mom.

I was worried about making SD feel that everything is wrong with her because we are constantly correcting her, but I try to make the lessons seem fun and I give her lots of rewards for jobs well done. In THAT regard, girls are much easier to raise. They are motivated more by verbal praise than boys LOL

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Is she afraid of her mother? Why does she regress to old habits rather than stand up to her? She must realize at her age that she isn't a baby. The mother should realize as much. *shakes head*

Krissy · Senior Member

yeah it is a little weird to say the least... She is not scared of her mother, but rather, I think she is very aware that she is the center of her mother's whole life. Mom is not a bad person, but she wants SD to stay a little baby because obviously those were the happiest days of her own life. She does not date. All her friends are other family members. She does not work so she is not meeting people. I think she is lonely herself, and being mommy to a cute baby girl is her whole identity.

It really is eerie. When I take pictures of her early in the summer, she is sitting on the floor playing with baby dolls and barking like a puppy dog. She is as tall as I am and needs a bra, but she is squeezing out of her care bears short suit. Her legs are longer than mine and she is wearing white sandals with purple socks and hello kitty hair bows.

At the end of the summer, I have these pictures of her sitting on the couch with her legs crossed reading a book and listening to music on headphones. She is wearing a nice top, denim skirt and leather sandals. When she is dressed like a young lady, from behind she looks about 14. She has curves already.

I asked her if she started her period yet and she said no, but the doctor said she can start at any time now...but her Mom said she wont have to worry about it for years and years and years. CREEEPY.

I really want her to come live with us, but I know it is not my place either way. It is not my place to come between another Mother and her child, and I can not make these choices for my husband to persue it legally or not. I just try to be supportive either way. After talking with you about it, I have been thinking, and I am going to start sending her care packages of personal care items like shampoo (she LOVES my shampoos) and deodorant, lip gloss, manicure kits...little things to make her happy. I will send her an outfit or two when I can afford it. That way, she will be able to continue grooming herself and not have to wait for mom to approve and purchase the items.

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Years and years and years? Yikes, that creeps me out. If what you say is true, the mother is being selfish and very well may be considered unfit. Who knows if babying her well into her teens will result in psychological problems. I'm sure Joe's expressed his concerns with her. It certainly is a sticky situation, especially for you.

milkmaid · Veteran Member

Wow Krissy....well one good thing, just a few more years, if that long, and she'll be able to tell the judge where she wants to live and then there won't be any fight about it. Almost the same thing happened with my brother, his daughter was finally able to come live with them in a stable environment. It's made a world of difference in her. Good luck!

Krissy · Senior Member

Rick, when Joe tries to talk to his ex about SD coming to live with us...she gets very upset and we think she says stuff to the SD because when we talk to her on the phone she says she doesnt want to move in with us anymore because "Mommy says you try to make me grow up too fast" It would probably have to go to court if Joe wanted to push it. I honestly don't care if her Mom thinks I am the bad guy. I am confident that it is not correct to dress a 5 foot tall, 110 lb ten year old in care bear suits with her breast buds pushing through and her shorts going up her butt, stinking of pre-teen BO. I can only hope that she will see that SD enjoys the clothing we get her and she enjoys the positive feedback from her peers when she dresses and behaves appropriately for her age. It might take the dreaded peer pressure to get her to buck the status quo at home.

MM, what happened in your brothers case??

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

milkmaid wrote:

Almost the same thing happened with my brother, his daughter was finally able to come live with them in a stable environment.!

She was raised in a barn?

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Krissy wrote:

I am confident that it is not correct to dress a 5 foot tall, 110 lb ten year old in care bear suits with her breast buds pushing through and her shorts going up her butt

I agree. She should wait until she's eighteen to dress like that!

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

Whatever action you take, good luck, Krissy. I hope Joe can at least get through to the mother that their little girl IS growing up, whether the mother likes it or not.

Krissy · Senior Member

LMAO

milkmaid · Veteran Member

LOL Rick....funny.

Krissy...Meg was 12 when she finally found the nerve to speak up and say she wanted to go live with her Dad and her StepMother. The Mother is a nut job and a half, drama queen, etc etc and she takes all that out on Meg, so it was painful and so hard for her to finally stand up and even say it.

My brother just went to the ex and said, Meg wants to live with us, make it easy on yourself, cuz in court, she can go before the judge. I am not sure of the exact age here in Texas, but he'd looked into all of it. After lots of drama of course, the ex agreed to do it with no fight, as long as she didn't have to pay child support to him. Nice huh?

Meg's been at her Dad's for two years now and she's off of all the meds for adhd, which I don't believe she ever had and she's making A's and B's in school. With the ex, she was just barely passing and HATED school. .... a world of difference.

Such a rough age for girls anyway, her Mother is making it worse on her. It's nice you take so much interest in her to do this, I am sure that's not an easy task.

milkmaid · Veteran Member

Hey DinaK!! Even tho we are hijacking your thread...still interesting in how it's going with the stepson...

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

milkmaid wrote:

LOL Rick....funny.

After lots of drama of course, the ex agreed to do it with no fight, as long as she didn't have to pay child support to him. Nice huh?.

Well, it's nice to know she has the kid's best interests at heart, at least. Some people shouldn't be allowed to have children. Good gravy!

bawdy · The Omnipotent One

milkmaid wrote:

Hey DinaK!! Even tho we are hijacking your thread...still interesting in how it's going with the stepson...

She's probably in jail.

Again.