This was on the "Tonight Show" with Jay Leno. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. *************************************************************************
The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold..and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain.
She gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have very good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself.
Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks was firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerned outcry, "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!"
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they were also faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down, or perhaps that should be "pants down."
And you thought your first date was embarrassing!?!
Jay Leno's comment. "This gives a whole new meaning to being 'pissed off."
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Do you really think Mr. Rodgers would have wanted us for neighbors?
I have had a couple. They did not include bodily fluids like the first one but they were pretty bad.
Date#1 The cell phone salesman (this is a good one, esp toward the end)
I wanted a new cell phone so I ran down to the AT&T and filled out the paperwork. I did not have the credit to get the cell phone model I wanted for free and I didnt want to settle for less because my old phone had better features. I left the office without anything, but the salesman had said he would call me if he could work something out. He called me later in the day and said to come pick up my new cell phone. I showed up and thanked him for his kindess and the good service. He then asked if he could take me out to dinner that night. I had the kids with me and we had plans to go to the mall, he invited himself along saying he loved kids would help them trade their baseball cards. He asked if he could ride along with us since his car was in the shop. When we got there, he started acting like he was WITH me by trying to put his arm around me when we walked or holding my hand. I was kind of meek in those days and didnt get mad right away..I just did the "Avoid-dance". We went down to the food court and he disappeared. He had gone to to Taco Bell and came back with a tray piled up with food, and one drink. None of it was for the kids or I...LOL. Without a word, I got up and took the kids to Chic-fil-a to get something to eat. We sat back down at the table and he was on his cell phone with a buddy. He spent the 20 minutes on his phone, getting up, walking around, coming back...trying to rub my shoulders. I decided the "date" was over and told him we were leaving and I was going to drive him home. He begged to come over to the house and watch movies with us...and I said it was not a good idea. He then said to just drop him off at the office. He kept trying to talk me into taking him back to my place since it was still early, but I refused. I was already creeped out he was in my car. He almost seemed desperate to keep the date going and blurted out.. " I have to be honest with you" Apparently, he had no home. He was living in the back of the cell phone store. He also had no car in the shop. He quickly tried blaming his ex wife for taking his car. I asked how long ago his divorce had been "Two years ago" He had just been bragging earlier on the phone about how he had spent nearly $1,000 in New Orleans for Mardi gras with his friends the week before. I said " So if that was true, you spent $1,000 on partying when you have no car and no place to live. "?!? I dropped him off and told him goodbye. He said that I could keep the cell phone account if I wanted. LOL I was so disgusted with him and the whole episode that I didnt use it. It sat in my desk unused. A couple of months later I got a bill for $400. He had altered my name and social security number, but left the address correct. He then opened up about 4 different phone lines on that account and gave all his friends cell phones, billed to me. There was nothing they could do since it wasnt my social security number, or even my name on the bill. It was still pretty funny though.
Yeah, I'd say those would be embarrassing. So, is it ok to be rude to end a date like Krissy's? I think you should have told him to keep his hands to himself if he couldn't take a hint.
The person I am today would NEVER let a guy she just met in her car, or squirm away silently from his tentacles. I used to be mad at him for being a rude dork. Looking back now, I am mad at myself for being a total wuss. That is one nice thing that comes with getting older...you grow cahones.
I have another horrible first date story...it involves a mortician in bikini underwear.
One weekend, I went to New Orleans with a fighter friend as part of the entourage. I got a beer and sat ringside. A guy sat next to me. That was his name...Guy (Pronounced Ghee) He was well spoken and polite, but a little self centered. He told me all about himself, then asked me if I had any more questions ABOUT HIM LOL. I didnt think anything of it because a lot of the guys in that community are that way. He asked me for my number and when my birthday was. In our conversation I learned that he was a mortician. Kind of creepy, but it was a good paying job. He was very old world polite...he escorted me to the van, helped me in. He later called to wish me goodnight. The friends were impressed as hell because he was hot (in a gangster sort of way) He called the next day and invited me out. He offered to drive the 4 hours, just for a date. I accepted.
He never showed at the agreed time. One hour passed, then another, then another... I had decided that he was not going to show so I went to bed. I got a frantic phone call at 11 pm from him saying he was lost. I got him back on the right road and he showed up 15 minutes later. He was flipping out and acting like a moron about getting lost. He said he was too tired to go out and just wanted to go to sleep. (SLEEP WHERE!?!?!?!) He went to use the bathroom to wash up and instead of the couch, he wandered back to my bedroom. I am sure I sat there with a deer in the headlight look as he came in the room and started undressing. I got up really quickly, grabbed my pillow and said "Oh, ok...I will just take the couch then". The fact that he was in my room was scary enough...but that he had on leopard print underwear sent me over the edge.
I sat in the living room wondering how to get this moron out of my apartment. I heard him coming down the hallway, so I pretended like I was going to sleep. He walked out the apartment without saying a word. When the door closed I ran up and locked it with the deadbolt LOL I watched out the window and he just sat on the driveway next to his car looking like he knew he blew it.
He called me the next day to apologize by saying he was frustrated from the drive and being lost and he had wanted to make an impression ( he did that for sure) I refused to see him again but wished him well in the future. That was the end of that, but I heard from him again like 6 months later on my birthday. He had remembered my birthday and called. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Reminder to self: Clean out leopard print underwear drawer
Gawd, it goes to show you the type of women he must be accustomed to dating. Maybe he thought you were a professional. heh. I don't imagine he's remembered your birthday in subsequent years, eh? I wonder if that ever gets him laid. It's not being thoughtful if you expect something in return. What a smooth operator.
I really was quite an idiot back then....letting a stranger in my house, in my car. Looking back on some of my experiences it is an absolute miracle that nothing worse has happened. Well, I had a bad experience, but that was with someone I thought I knew.
Bawdy, Guy the Mortician was a smoothy, but not in a Billy Dee Williams kind of way...think Andrew Dice Clay instead.
Come on, other people have to have some bad first date stories!!
Humpf. He could have at least sent a tidbit of jewelry. I believe that it is the correct thing to do after exposing one's leopard "panties". I'll have to check Emily Post.
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Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained. John Bowell
Oooooo I almost forgot about the Air Force officer....
I met him at Walmart one night. He would come into my work and hang out and talk. What I liked about him was that he seemed genuinely interested in having a real conversation. He was very classy and approached me like a respectful friend rather than a leopard undie wearing Lothario. He DID say some flattering things to let me know he was interested in dating, but it was nothing really aggressive. One day we made plans to meet up for coffee after work at 8:00 am, but it ended up getting pushed back to lunch because he had some errands to run. We went to a Deli and he ordered first, then I ordered. He payed for the meal but told me not to worry about it "You can pay next time" I thought he was kidding...and just let it go. (Where I come from - if it is a date..the person who does the inviting does the paying)
It was the beginning of a long line of cheapskate behaviors in our friendship. (We never got romantically involved) If we went anywhere, I had to drive. He would forget his wallet, or he was low on cash because he sent his sister money. He would haggle embarrasingly in retail stores trying to get any little discount. He picked up change off the floor. He made excellent money in the Air Force, but was loathe to part with a dime of it. I admire people who are smart with their money and not wasteful, but he drove me nuts. He had no real living expenses while making a Captains salary but he had no trouble sticking a single mother with the check.
Wezie wrote: Humpf. He could have at least sent a tidbit of jewelry. I believe that it is the correct thing to do after exposing one's leopard "panties". I'll have to check Emily Post.
Haha...Miss Manners says, "Fuck, yeah!"
Well, Krissy, if it's not an official date, who says the guy has to pick up the tab? Would a feminist such as yourself expect to be treated differently than he'd treat Ivana Trump?
Some people are real cheapskates and it takes a crowbar to open their wallet. I imagine it would be tough for him to hold on to a wife if he's such a tightwad.
This isn't really a first date story, but it is about the wierdest place I can imagine to be asked for a date.
I worked for a cemetery for seven years, because I have very good customer service skills and experience, I had the job of talking to families who were having problems or issues with their loved ones graves, markers and/or stuff in the mausoleum. A very handsome Italian man had ordered a bronze marker for his wife and one of the features on it was a portrait of the two of them made in ceramic and set in the marker. I had seen the picture he gave us to use for the marker and was struck by the resemblance to my late husband.
He came in a few months later to let us know that he was not happy with the way the marker was set. I went to the grave with him to see what the problem was and it was something that was very simple to correct and I told him we would take care of it. I usually tried to talk to the family members just to create a rapport. I mentioned the resemblance to my husband and we talk a bit about being widowed and yadda, yadda, yadda. Then he said, "You are a young, beautiful woman. Have you remarried?" I told him no, I had four children, a full time job, etc. Then as we stood next to his wife's grave, he asked me for a date! I was so astonished that I stuttered something about not being allowed to date customers or something lame like that. There was no rule about dating customers because it generally wasn't an issue!
I just went back to the office shaking my head and told my co workers the story and they rolled on the floor. This shit only happens to me, yanno.
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Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself, for he shall never cease to be entertained. John Bowell
bawdy wrote: Wezie wrote: Humpf. He could have at least sent a tidbit of jewelry. I believe that it is the correct thing to do after exposing one's leopard "panties". I'll have to check Emily Post.
Haha...Miss Manners says, "Fuck, yeah!"
Well, Krissy, if it's not an official date, who says the guy has to pick up the tab? Would a feminist such as yourself expect to be treated differently than he'd treat Ivana Trump?
Some people are real cheapskates and it takes a crowbar to open their wallet. I imagine it would be tough for him to hold on to a wife if he's such a tightwad.
Hey, I DID say whoever does the inviting does the paying LOL I have paid for meals when I invited friends out, or when I invited a love interest out. It's about good manners, not who has the bigger balls LOL
For the record also...at the time we were seeing each other he was 40 and had never been close to marriage. Some couples who keep their finances separate have excellent relationships. I am just not one of those people. I am very generous with my resources, but that dries up really quick if I find myself having to open my wallet everytime they are around.
Wezie wrote: This isn't really a first date story, but it is about the wierdest place I can imagine to be asked for a date. I worked for a cemetery for seven years, because I have very good customer service skills and experience, I had the job of talking to families who were having problems or issues with their loved ones graves, markers and/or stuff in the mausoleum. A very handsome Italian man had ordered a bronze marker for his wife and one of the features on it was a portrait of the two of them made in ceramic and set in the marker. I had seen the picture he gave us to use for the marker and was struck by the resemblance to my late husband. He came in a few months later to let us know that he was not happy with the way the marker was set. I went to the grave with him to see what the problem was and it was something that was very simple to correct and I told him we would take care of it. I usually tried to talk to the family members just to create a rapport. I mentioned the resemblance to my husband and we talk a bit about being widowed and yadda, yadda, yadda. Then he said, "You are a young, beautiful woman. Have you remarried?" I told him no, I had four children, a full time job, etc. Then as we stood next to his wife's grave, he asked me for a date! I was so astonished that I stuttered something about not being allowed to date customers or something lame like that. There was no rule about dating customers because it generally wasn't an issue! I just went back to the office shaking my head and told my co workers the story and they rolled on the floor. This shit only happens to me, yanno.
Wezie LOL My first reaction was actually thinking how sweet it was that he felt a connection with you that he COULD ask you out near his wife's final resting place. Then again, this is coming from the woman who lets total strangers in her apartment. Obviously, you were not comfortable so you did the right thing by bowing out gracefully. I do think its funny about the "No dating clients" rule...as if this was enough of a problem they hade to make a RULE about it LOL I wonder if he ever caught on you were letting him down easy??
Did you ever see that episode of Sex and the City were Charlotte dated a widower who asked her out by his wife's grave?? Your story reminded me of that.
Well, at least we waited three months, at which point he was probably pretty lonely. And he actually liked you, Wezie. Where else would he have the opportunity to ask you out? So yes it was funny and awkward, but he was just seizing the day. And you broke his heart.
Krissy, I agree. You ask someone out, you pay unless it's mutually agreed each one will pay his/her own way in advance. Partners in marriage are supposed to share everything. If they have separate accounts it tells me they don't have much faith in their vows lasting.
